Spotify deep dive.

Good afternoon lovelies. Hope you all had a nice cup of however-you-like-it coffee and a yummy cream cheese danish to go with it.

I called out from work to recover from fatigue and sleep deprivation. I’m feeling a tad better. Too much energy to sleep. Too little energy to do anything besides write, so here we are.

I crawled out of bed with the sudden desire to clean up my Spotify playlists. I have a tendency to make a handful of playlists that are barely different since I hear songs and go “Ooh! That’d be great for this! And this! And that! And this too!”

I like to keep them distinct from each other, so here are some of my favorite playlists I’ve made and the significance they hold for me. If I talk about the first and last songs, that means the order matters. If not, it can be shuffled.

Maxine - C’mon. We gotta start with Maxine. No journal personified by my feminine ego is complete without a mix of sapphic love confessions, future funk jams, girly pop, and a handful of songs that help me feel pretty in a life that wants me to only be handsome. It kicks off with “girls” by Girl in Red to say “This is for Maxine, by Maxine,” and ends with my favorite song of all time, “Sandpaper Kisses” by Martina Topley-Bird.

Sweet Boy - Maxine takes a backseat for this one. This playlist romanticizes me and how I’d love to be courted by a pretty lady despite the common expectation of the guy making the first move. It starts with “Sweet Boi” by Chevy to set the warm, cutesy mood. If a sweet, endearing woman were to sing that to me, it’s a done deal. The tracks build up to the dramatic lyrics of “As the World Caves In” covered by Sarah Cothran. I like to imagine the playlist as a whole builds up to when she belts out “Oh, boy, it’s you!”

Stardust - A special playlist for a special lady; here’s the catch: I may not have met her yet. Where Sweet Boy romanticizes me, Stardust romanticizes my future lover. I’m gonna cover my romantic ideals in a future entry, but in short, I love writing about the concept of love that transcends lifetimes and the notion of reconnecting with someone you loved in a past life. Whether you were masked dignitaries waltzing in a ballroom or two birds chirping on the same branch during a peaceful autumn morning, at some point, you shared something. Stardust begins with “Tongue Tied” by GROUPLOVE simply for this lyric: “I loved you then and I loved you now!” When I first heard that, I chose to believe it was about more than just this lifetime’s love. It ends with “One Summer Day” by Joe Hisaishi, a track from the Japanese animation Spirited Away, a movie that every first-generation Asian American kid has seen. The track begins with soft piano notes and builds up to a sense of wanderlust and adventure. It’s how I picture life with my stardust lover to be. I chose this track to end the playlist after my ideal began on an actual summer day. I’d met someone I knew I loved a thousand years ago.

Recovery - These are a handful of songs and tracks I listened to around the hospital stay I wrote about in “Cain, Abel, and Valentine’s Day.” I listened to these on repeat in the days before my intended demise and after my journey of self-love began. They both hurt and heal in ways that remind me of all I went through but conquered. It’s got a mix of sad, happy, and hopeful.

Pretty Lifting - Maxine’s gym playlist. When this is on, I’m not wearing all black to the gym and yelling over big lifts. I’m wearing a pink hoodie, socializing, having fun, peacocking, and placing my hand on my hip while I talk to gym peeps. The songs in this playlist bring cute and upbeat vibes to say “There’s no point in lifting heavy if you don’t look pretty while you do.”

VOID - Hardstyle for days I want to lift with less than no emotion after a shitty day. These tracks let me sink down to dark depths and focus on pure numbers. Not much to say about this one as that’s kind of the point.

ONE FUCKING REP - As the title implies, this playlist is for attempting THE BIG LIFT, a weight so heavy that I can’t do two repetitions. It begins with “Can You Feel My Heart” by Bring Me The Horizon, the on-brand Gigachad meme song. It ends with my second favorite song of all time, “Tek It” by Cafuné. Everything in this playlist has a buildup to it that can be timed with a one-rep-max attempt, but “Tek It” holds a special place as its final song. For me, it feels like falling in and out of love at the same time. It feels like the frustration of what was, acceptance of what is, and hopefulness of what will be. Unlike the other tracks, this one reminds me that failure is a reality and that I’m not lesser if I can’t lift this weight. I’ll hit play, brace myself, and lift. Whatever happens from there, happens.

Music has always been a formative experience for me. As I get older, it’s fun to look back at the different ways I’ve interacted with tracks that both shaped and reflected my journey through life’s shenanigans.